I hope that you guys can forgive me for my hiatus. I had a lot going on at work and at home, and just wasn’t feeling myself emotionally or mentally. A break from keeping up with music and this blog was needed. But after that break, more LIFE happened and pushed me further behind what I had planned.
Before this past week, well this month, I thought that I was ready to get back to blogging about all of these great ideas and talk about some of the new music I’ve been listening to. I also thought that after the month break that I gave myself, I’d be more than ready to get back to writing. But a lot of things happened and threw my world upside down. So, I hope that you guys can bear with me through all of this.
I will do my best to catch you up on what’s been going on with me since the last time I posted. I still don’t feel like I am 100% back to my old self but I didn’t want to leave you guys hanging anymore. Every day that was spent not writing or blogging definitely hurt me. I felt like a part of me was giving up on the on the one thing I was actually proud of and I didn’t want that.
My Not-So Golden Birthday
So, this year was my Golden Birthday. I made 30 on August the 30th. Leading up to August, I had been trying to think of ways to make this birthday super special. But, most of my plans fell through prior to that week even getting here due to hurricane season picking up, my finances, and realizing that some people close to me weren’t people I actually wanted to celebrate with. So, I had to try to stay positive and accept whatever was going to happen.
I did not have a horrible birthday by any means. I did a few pre-birthday things, got to spend time with my boyfriend and my friends the week of my birthday. It was fun, until it was over. It was more so about the after effects of it all. It’s almost like when you come down from a high (non drug-induced LOL) and reality smacks you in the face. The feelings that I tried my hardest to avoid, hit me hard, and so did my anxiety.
So, the Saturday after the fun Friday night I had, celebrating my birthday some more with friends, everything hit me. As soon as the hype faded, I started feeling a little depressed. I was thinking “Okay, so, I’m 30 now… What have I really accomplished? Did I achieve ANY goals (big or small) that I set for myself? What do I do now?…”. Those thoughts led to the funk that I am still in right now.
When Reality REALLY Hits
One of the things that really had me down before my birthday through now, is the fact that I have had less hours at work. One of the reasons I came back to this job in the first place was because I had to make some career choices based on how bad my anxiety had gotten. But guess what? This job has been the source of a lot of my stress and anxiety on top of everything that’s been happening with me lately. And finding a REAL career is tough, specially the hiring process.
Onto this past week… I wrote a lot of this post while sitting on the most uncomfortable cot/chair/ bed thing in my grandmother’s hospital room. She was admitted to the hospital on Thursday night (September 7th) due to some crazy side effects of her medication and some of her vital nutrition levels were low (if that makes sense). She hadn’t been sleeping or eating much and I have never seen her like that. To say I was scared was an understatement.
The first 3 days were f**king scary and I’ve lost a lot of sleep and had a couple of anxiety attacks since then. I had (and still have) moments where I just want to cry because everything has been so overwhelming; I feel so alone with a lot of this. As of today (Tuesday, September 12th), though, my grandmother is home and doing a lot better. Some things still worry me but I am glad she’s home and better than she was.
My grandmother helped raise me and I lost my mom 8 years ago, so since then she has really played that role for me. So, just the thought of possibly losing her too was too much to even grasp. I have been in and out of hospitals because of surgeries and cancer treatments for my grandparents and my mom. But being in hospitals is something you never get used to; you just do it because you know they need you.
** This is grandma 
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Something Positive… What’s Next for Muzik Junqie
First off, I want to say that I am not going to quit writing. This blog means way too much to me and I have put in too much work to quit now. Yes, I did take a break plus some, and it won’t be the last time, but it will always only be temporary. I definitely want to work on scheduling my time and posts better so I will always be consistent with my posts.
With all of that said, I have a lot of new ideas for this blog. I love music and doing music reviews but sometimes I don’t have enough to say or write about certain things. Also, I don’t want everything to sound or look the same. I will continue to do music reviews but I will switch the content a bit more, including other topic that may or may not be music-related.
I want to talk to you guys more about other things, causes, and people that matter to me. I want to talk to you guys about my favorite super-models, tattoo models, makeup artists, designers, and social media personalities that I love. We can start an open dialogue with whatever you guys might be going through. There’s a lot going on in our world so I may try to discuss some social issues and see how that goes. I will still keep you updated on concerts that I attend (one coming up in November).
I just want to show you guys all of the pieces that make up Muzik Junqie. This blog is a journey and I want to share that journey with whoever wants to be a part of it. I am still learning a lot about myself and battling anxiety while I do it. A lot of people suffer from anxiety and depression and I hope that my story will help someone. At the end of the day, though, I just want to help people.
Final Thoughts…
The year is quickly coming to an end so I’m going to do my best to end it on a more positive note. I have a lot of goals that I want to accomplish by the end of the year and start on some goals for next year. It’s going to be an interesting journey and I’m taking you with me. Hopefully we can all learn something along the way.
Before I go, this hurricane season has been nothing to play with. So many different areas and the people who live there are losing everything. The recovery for Harvey has begun in Houston and they are still waiting to see what else Irma has to give. Where I’m from, we have been blessed to not have had to really deal with the devastation that hurricane season can bring, but we are standing with our brothers and sisters who need our love, support, and prayers.
